Birth Story Part II

Just a warning... I hold nothing back in retelling my labor and delivery. If you are queasy, dislike blood or talk of women parts this might not be the story for you!

I can remember a lot of detail up until this point in my labor. After this point it is a little blurry. When I think back on what I can now define as active labor and transition it is very hard to describe...I call it my dark happy place. I will try my hardest to force this amazing experience into the boundaries of words but just know that I could never properly give a full account of my labor and delivery and do it justice....

I remember my contractions coming harder and more often and it surprised me how much they hurt. I mean, I knew they were going to hurt, but I thought it would be a more gradual increase in pain, not all of a sudden. The first few hard contractions I had I was sitting up in a chair.  Bart helped me over to the bed and I lay down trying to get into a comfortable position so that I could focus on relaxing my body and letting it do what it was made to do. I remember Bart stroking my hair and my back while saying soothing things in my ear, just as we had practiced in our class, but it wasn't helping. In fact it was distracting me for some reason. I felt horrible as I swatted his hand away and shook my head. I remember thinking that I didn't mean to be so harsh but my body had a mind of its own!!! Bart was amazing though and didn't take it personally. He went and got me a cold wash cloth and that was heaven. By this time I was really struggling through contractions and I vaguely remember my midwifes coming in to check on me.

Remember how I said earlier that I call this part of my labor my dark happy place? This is why... During the hardest part of labor I couldn't open my eyes. It took all of my focus to get through the contractions, I wanted as little sensory input as possible! Which is why I couldn't have anyone touching me. The music we were listening to stayed on the entire labor but I tuned it out completely.

I don't know how long it had been but Bart talked me into getting up to use the bathroom. In our Bradley class we learned that if your bladder is full then it can make labor more intense and it is the husbands job to make you get up and go about every hour or so. I waddled to the bathroom in between the next contraction with Bart at my side and sat there through a few more contractions. The next thing I knew I was walking out of the bathroom in a different outfit than when I had gone in. I had been so consumed with the contractions that I don't really remember changing into my "birthing gown" but apparently Bart had done that too. Isn't he amazing?

A VERY strong contraction hit me right before we got back to the bed so I knelt on all fours on the floor and tried rocking my pelvis back and fourth. I specifically remember the pain doubling in strength as I was doing this and I started to cry out... saying that I had to move, I had to move! But I felt like my body couldn't during the contraction. The midwife took my hand and told me to relax and breathe. Bart breathed with me through this contraction. This helped me so much because I wasn't taking the deep breaths I needed.  At this point Connie and Christa (my midwifes) told me I could get in the tub if I wanted to.

This was a huge surprise for me... We had been told earlier by our midwifes that they wouldn't allow me in the tub until I was close to transition ( 9 - 10cm dialated) because if you get in the hot, soothing water too soon it can slow down your labor. This meant that I was getting close! WOW! I almost didn't believe it.

I got in the tub right as another contraction was starting. THE TUB WAS HEAVEN. Now I know why they call it the midiwfe's epidural. This is not to say that the pain lessened at all, in fact it got worse but it was easier to deal with for some reason. As soon as I got in the tub something changed in me. I didn't feel like I had control over my body anymore. Thinking was no longer needed, rather, instinct took over and my body just KNEW what to do. It was while I was in the tub that I started moaning through each contraction. I remember thinking that I wasn't getting a break in between contractions and it was pissing me off! I needed a break! But they kept coming stronger  and closer than ever. I was a little embarrassed. . . I was moaning very loud and I knew everyone in a mile radius could probably hear me. Not to mention they were still doing their prenatal visits down the hall for other women who were probably a little freaked out by the noises coming from the back room! But moaning was the only way I could let go of each breath.

The pain of labor is indescribable. I remember when I was little and broke my arm it hurt A LOT but if I moved it into the perfect position the pain would cease a little bit. When I was riding my bike as a little girl and fell off and hit my head on a brick mail box and split my head open... well, I passed out because it hurt so much so don't really remember much of that. But labor pain was so different. No matter what position you were in IT HURT, no matter how loud you were IT HURT, no matter what i did IT HURT... so I had to let go.  I couldn't pass out even though the pain WAS that intense, instead I was completely aware of everything happening with my body. I had let go, and give into the pain and remember that it was pain with a purpose. I had to allow my body to work WITH the pain instead of fight it. My baby was coming into this world because of this pain!

One thing that I had never read in any birth story that surprised me was that I could actually, literally feel the baby moving down. I could actually feel her head moving toward the birth canal with every hard contraction. It was the coolest thing I had ever experienced, pain and all. It gave me hope that she would be here soon... and I was right. It wasn't long after my moaning started and I felt little Lainey moving down inside of me that I started pushing. I have heard many others say things like, "I felt like I was pooping a bowling ball and JUST HAD TO PUSH"  but it was different for me... Honestly there wasn't any processing or thinking going on at all. My body just did it and I was along for the ride.

I almost felt like two separate beings... My body, which was taking complete control of itself, knowing exactly what to do and pushing harder than I ever knew possible and my spirit taking it all in and seeing through spiritual eyes this baby come into the world... Words can't even describe. It was almost an out of body experience... except I could still feel everything. The pain that came with pushing was so much different than labor pain... stinging, burning and a release of amazing pressure are the best words I could use to describe it.

I remember my body pushing for what felt like forever without taking a breath, but the amazing thing was I didn't even feel like I needed air. With the second push Lainey's head was born. Pushing didn't hurt more than laboring, because I was able to do something about the pain (pushing) rather than just enduring it. My midwife had me get up on all fours to push for the 3rd time and her body came out... That was it... 3 gigantic pushes and she was here! Lainey Kay Christoffersen was born at 2:03 pm. . .  Just 4 and 1/2 hours after my water broke. I was only in very hard, intense labor for about 2 and 1/2 hours. Lainey weighed 7lbs 15oz and was 20 inches long. 

Light poured in as I was finally able to open my eyes and see that precious baby girl. I got to hold her with my amazing husband at my side and we watched as she took her very first breath. I cried and laughed and kept saying, "Hi baby girl!" over and over again. I looked into the eyes of my husband and without words said, "look what we created." It was amazing. I got to hold her on my chest until the cord stopped pulsing and Bart cut it. My midwifes asked me if I felt like the placenta was close to being born... apparently you have the urge to push again, but I didn't. After a few minutes of basking in the spirit that came with the birth of this little angel I got out of the tub and onto the bed so that they could monitor my blood loss until the placenta was born. 

I was holding Lainey and nursing her blissfully unaware of the chaos around me... It wasn't until my midwife gave me some medication to help me deliver the placenta that I realized they were getting worried. The feeling in the room began to change as more and more time passed without the placenta showing any signs of coming out.  I started hearing them say things like, "Four cups of blood lost so far" and, "Its been too long." I started asking questions. And the best thing about my midwifes is that they are completely honest. 

They began calmly explaining to me that we might have to do an emergency transport to the hospital to have my placenta manually removed. I was angry. Not at anyone. Just at the situation. I wanted to be alone with my husband and my new baby. I wanted to take pictures and make the happy phone calls to family and friends telling them the good news. I wanted to get up and walk around, take a shower, nurse my brand new baby and snuggle with my husband and eat dinner. I wanted my family to bring Grace to the birthing center to meet her new baby sister and watch that amazing relationship of sisters begin. This is how I had imagined it would be after the labor and delivery and I was being robbed of that because of my stupid placenta!

They asked me to push really hard a few times to see if the placenta would come before the called EMS. I remember pushing really hard one time and feeling what I thought was the placenta come out... But I knew it wasn't the placenta that had come out when I saw the look on their faces. It was all blood. A lot of blood.  I started feeling really weird and they took my baby away from me so that they could take better care of me.  I remember saying, "I feel weird." And right after the words left my mouth I could feel myself going... I just wanted to fall asleep. I felt so dizzy, I remember my hearing going... I could see everyone hustling around me and talking but I couldn't hear anything. They quickly put my head down and propped my legs up with pillows. They held my arm down on the bed as they started an IV. I remember thinking, stay awake Paige! Stay awake! even though I had a very strong desire to let go and fall asleep. 

The ambulance had been called and was on its way. Bart came over and took my hand and the look of worry on his face killed me... I knew he felt helpless and I wanted to comfort him. I wanted to say that everything would be ok... but I didn't know if it was going to be ok. I remember Connie coming over to the bedside. I looked up at her and said, "Could I die from this?"  She looked me straight in the eye and said, "Paige, you are NOT going to die. We are going to get you taken care of."  I knew she believed I wasn't going to die but I also knew that she hadn't answered my question. And the answer to my question was Yes, I COULD die from this. My blood pressure was dropping... and dropping fast.  I can honestly say that at no point during this was I afraid of dying. I was angry and I was very worried about Bart and my girls and my family. I was nervous but not afraid. I felt calm for some reason. Maybe because I knew that non of this was in my hands. I KNEW through it all that the Lord was in control and all I could do was have faith. I knew in that moment that the Lord was aware of our situation.

I remember thinking that if I died I would be just fine. But I wasn't ready! I wasn't ready to leave my husband and my girls.... I wanted to be their mommy for a LONG time. I wanted to raise them and see them grow. I hadn't even had a chance to get to know Lainey. What was she going to be like? I wasn't ready to say goodbye to Grace. Would she think I had abandoned her? I hadn't hugged her long enough that morning... Or kissed her big cheeks enough times. In fact, I had looked into those big, beautiful, blue eyes earlier that morning and told her I was going to be back. I had to keep that promise. I wasn't ready to leave my husband a widower. I wanted to hear him laugh again, I wanted to hold his hand as we went on more long walks, I wanted to wake up to him for many more years. I wanted him to hold me in his arms again while we watched a movie at home. I just wasn't ready to leave that all behind!  NOT YET!

My parents arrived at the Birth Center right before the ambulance showed up. I was SO thankful that they were there. The paramedics came in the room and I specifically remember looking up into that man's face as he took my blood pressure and his face dropped. So did my heart when I heard the numbers, "Sixty over thrity and I can't feel a pulse." Yikes....  We were so blessed that my parents were there. This way Bart was able to go with me in the ambulance to the hospital while my parents stayed behind with our sweet new baby girl so they could do a few tests to make sure she was completely healthy. They put an oxygen mask over my mouth and nose and got me over to their gurney. They wheeled me outside and up into the ambulance and we were lights and sirens all the way to the hospital in Idaho Falls. In the ambulance they started a second IV. I remember wishing Bart could ride in the back with me and hold my hand.  We arrived at the hospital VERY quickly and headed straight up to Labor and Delivery. 

The paramedics briefed the nursing staff and the head nurse came up to me and said, "The on call doc is on his way in. His name is Dr. Oldroyd."  Oh no I thought.... that was my previous OBGYN who did NOT support me wanting a natural water birth. I was nervous to see him again and was worried about the treatment I might receive. Before I go any further I will say that he was VERY kind to us and never once judged us for choosing to have a natural birth outside of the hospital even though he disagreed. We were very grateful to him and his staff for working quickly and effectively.

Dr. Oldroyd must have immediately known how dire the situation was becasue the second he walked into the room he put on a glove and without ANY warning stuck his hand as far up me as he could and started trying to rip the placenta out with his bare hand. I was WRITHING and screaming in pain... This hurt worse than labor and deliver! I was crying and thrashing around about ready to call him a really bad name when my AMAZING husband finally cut in and said, "Can you please stop! Can you give her something for the pain before you proceed?!" My knight in shining armor had come to rescue again... The doctor said, "Yes, this isn't going to work, she is in too much pain, lets prep the OR."  

Before I was taken to the OR the doctor explained to me that he would try to just scrape the placenta out but if he couldn't get it out that way they would have to do a hysterectomy. . . I could loose my uterus. And honestly, at this point I didn't even care. My mind was shouting, "TAKE IT, do whatever you have to do! Just let me stay here with my husband and girls."It was then that I asked if Bart could give me a blessing before they took me... My mom and dad hadn't gotten to the hospital yet so I just bluntly asked if there was a priesthood holder in the room that could help Bart... My anesthesiologist kindly stepped up and helped Bart give me an amazing blessing with oil the nurse had gotten for us. I knew that not everyone in the room was LDS but I was so humbled as they ALL stopped what they were doing to bow their head, quietly listen to the blessing and respect my wish. The blessing was amazing and the spirit in the room was palpable.

The mask was put on my face to put me under and the thought popped into my head that Al, Bart's dad was watching over me. . . the next think I knew I was waking up in the recovery room. The first thing I did was feel my lower abdomen for stitches of any kind... I didn't feel any. I asked the nurse standing by my bed if everything had gone ok. "Yes," she said, "they got the placenta out and your uterus is still in tact." Wow, I was alive, my baby girl was healthy and I still had my uterus after all of this. I knew how blessed I was and said a silent prayer of thanks.  How remarkable.

I was in the recovery room for a while as they started giving me 4 units of blood and 2 units of platelets.   I had been told that my entire family was waiting for me on the Labor and Delivery floor and I couldn't wait to get down there and see them. Finally, the nurse wheeled me down and the tears flowed as I looked into my husbands face. In that moment I knew I loved him 100 times more than I did the day I married him. One by one I saw my mom, dad, Erin, Andrew, Alex, Katie and my girls. I can't even tell you how grateful I was. I cried as Grace came and sat on my lap and held Lainey for the first time. Those were very tender moments for me. I hugged and kissed Bart again and again. SO grateful for a husband who loves me and our little family. So grateful for a husband who holds the priesthood. SO GRATEFUL for family.

This may all sound super mushy, lovey dovey, cheesey whatever.... But you aren't grateful enough for what you have until it is almost taken from you...

That night after everyone left and our hospital room got quiet Bart came over to my bedside and held my hand and we said a prayer together, thanking our Heavenly Father for blessing our family. We had been through a very scary experience but the outcome couldn't have been better... I was alive, our baby was healthy and as a bonus I still had my uterus. And best of all.... We loved each other more than ever and our testimonies of the gospel and of our Savior had grown 10 fold. We were beyond blessed and beyond grateful. 

Thank you to all of those who prayed for our family! We are very appreciative!

So many people have asked me if I would do it again... Natural child birth... and the answer is YES. Without a doubt. There were three things I hoped to accomplish by doing it natural. One, to lessen my chance of having post partum depression again, two, to not tear as badly as I had with Grace and three, to have more success with breastfeeding.... 

I haven't had ANY postpartum depression at all! Any amount of pain is worth not having post partum depression. I only needed 2 stitches and after a week any pain from that was gone! I am not even sore down there! REMARKABLE! and I am proud to say that breastfeeding is going GREAT! Although, it wasn't easy. The first week was the hardest but thanks to the support of my husband, family and midwifes we are successfully breastfeeding!!! And it is getting easy.... I never thought I'd say that! This entire experience has been amazing. I am so thankful that everything turned out the way it did. I hope to have our third child naturally, in a hospital, just in case I have a retained placenta again... But lets not even think about that for a few years :)

Thank you for letting me share my birth story. It has been very therapeutic for me to write it all down and share it.